Prompt: “I tried impressing my crush by doing a backflip while entering the lecture hall, but I ended up hitting her in the face. How do I gracefully bounce back from this failed attempt at romance without falling flat on my face?”

Dear reader, 

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Being young and in love (or just crushing on someone) can be difficult. It sounds like you had the best intentions, but things didn’t quite go as planned. Rest assured, we’re here to help you navigate this situation with grace and resilience.

Firstly, it’s essential to acknowledge that accidents happen, and it’s commendable that you’re seeking advice on how to move forward. Here are some steps you can take to bounce back from this incident:

• Apologize sincerely: Take the time to apologize to your crush for the unintentional harm caused. A sincere apology goes a long way in showing that you recognize the impact of your actions and are genuinely sorry.
• Take responsibility: Own up to your mistake without making excuses. Accepting responsibility demonstrates maturity and integrity, which are qualities that can be attractive to others.
• Learn from the experience: Reflect on what went wrong and why. Consider whether attempting such a stunt was appropriate for the situation and what you might do differently in the future. Sometimes, a bit of self-reflection can turn a mishap into a valuable learning opportunity.
• Maintain a positive attitude: While it’s natural to feel embarrassed or discouraged, try to maintain a positive outlook. Mistakes are a part of life, and how we bounce back from them often speaks volumes about our character. Approach this experience as a chance to grow and improve.
• Give it time: Allow both yourself and your crush some time to process the incident. It may take a little while for things to return to normal, but with patience and understanding, you can move past this together.
• Win them back: Do something, a kind gesture perhaps, to win back the favor of the person you admire. Doing something that is kind, simple, and achievable for yourself to accomplish is a good goal. Maybe offering to go with them to grab a cup of coffee or writing them a card can win them over. 

Remember, everyone faces setbacks in their romantic endeavors at some point. What matters most is how we handle them and the lessons we take away.

Wishing you the best as you navigate this situation.

Warm regards, 

Wise. 

Dear Person incapable of doing backflips,

There are only two solutions to this problem. You must either drop out, or transfer to another school. It is over for you, you will never be able to live this down. All your fellow students know you for this embarrassing display of poor athleticism. Soon professors may even call you Mr. Can’t Backflip. It’ll only get worse, the hole you have dug will only continue to get deeper and deeper.

My suggestion to you is to drop out immediately. Do NOT tell anyone you plan to do so. Then, you must enter the Witness Protection Program, and hope they send you out of the country. I am sure they understand how dire this situation is, so much so in fact they will immediately send you to another country after hearing this.

The insider information I’ve gained after looking into you and the others involved in the situation, your crush is hunting you down to exact her revenge. She plans to front flip into a kick that lands on your face. She may even be trying to track you down right now, be cautious.

As soon as you receive this edition of the Weather Vane you will find a secret code. You will know what this means. Follow the instructions provided and you will be in the clear. Good luck. 

Best,

Wit (Not a CIA operative)