The issue of homosexuality has been talked to death over the past couple of years. By now we have all heard all of the arguments: Biblical arguments, legal arguments, ethical arguments. I have my own opinions on the matter, but I am not here to make another argument. 

I would like to highlight one specific problem in the conversation between Christians and the queer community that should be a concern for us at EMU as we strive to be a welcoming, Christian institution. This issue perpetuates ignorance and manifests itself at best in judgment and lack of understanding, and at worst in hatred and vitriol.

I am not saying that LGBTQ people and Christians are on the opposite side of some fence. Some people are even – gasp! – both LGBTQ and Christian, and these are certainly not mutually exclusive groups. But when we seereally intense religious debates on the issue of homosexuality, they are often between straight conservative Christians and secular members of the queer community.

Conservative Christians stereotypically see LGBTQ people at worst as degenerates who are trying to take down American family values and at best as misguided people to be pitied and prayed for so they will change their ways – “Hate the sin, love the sinner.” On the other hand, secular LGBTQ people stereotypically view Christians at worst as hateful and bigoted and at best as ignorant and misguided.

While these perspectives are very stereotypical, they often do represent people’s actual feelings and attitudes. These attitudes can be anything from hateful to condescending. I would venture to guess that many people reading this article are guilty of at least one of these attitudes on some level.

Harmful stereotypes like these often have their roots in the labels that we ascribe to people. Labels are useful in their place, but it can be easy to make a subtle shift in attitude from “This group tends to be this way,” to “This person belongs to this group; therefore they must be this way.” We have to acnowledge that our identities are far too complex to be adequately described or explained by a set of labels. I am not objecting to labels as such, but rather using them to essentialize people.

If you do not know somebody, it is easy to pass judgment on them according to their label. If you do not know any Muslims, it is easy to say they are terrorists. If you do not know any African Americans, it is easy to say they are criminals. If you do not know any poor people, it is easy to say they are lazy. If you do not know any LGBTQ people, it is easy to say they are a threat. And if you do not know any conservative Christians, it is easy to say they are bigoted.

Let me let you in on a little secret: Most LGBTQ people are actually very nice and pleasant to be around, and if they are not, it has nothing to do with the fact that they are not straight. Also, most Christians are for the most part good, kind, friendly people. Even the ones that do not support gay marriage. By holding onto misconceptions, we are not only reinforcing our own stereotype of the “other,” but also the “other’s” stereotype of us.

So let me issue you a challenge: If you are a straight, conservative Christian, make friends with a member of the queer community. If you are a member of the queer community, make friends with a straight, conservative Christian.

As soon as you know that person, you are no longer passing judgment on a group of people you have never met; you are passing judgment on this person in your life right now – a nice person whom you like with a name and a face and an individual personality. And that is a lot harder to do.

Most of our hatred and vitriol, our ignorance and misunderstanding, could be avoided if we knew one person who belonged to the “other side.” We would still have disagreements, but we could actually listen to what the other person has to say instead of shouting past each other.

We could begin to see each other as human beings made in the image of God rather than as enemies to be defeated. We could approach our disagreements with clarity, kindness, grace, and empathy rather than hatred and ignorance.

I urge you: Do not just try to understand the other side; get to know the other person. I will be the first to warn you that there is no going back, that once you get to know that person, your strongly-held beliefs will become muddied, and your blacks and whites will become grayer.

But your life will also become so much richer, so much more interesting, and you will become a kinder, more understanding, more empathetic person.

If we want to make any progress toward loving and understanding each other, toward acknowledging our disagreements without hating each other, and certainly toward having any kind of constructive dialogue, we have no other choice.